Well I get to the doctors and the nurse asks me if I am over 200 pounds. I tell her I love her. She said "Well, you look muscular." I ask her to marry me. She gives me a bunch of pills and I take them. I realize that I have no idea what I just took, so I ask. I took two valium and 3 pain killers. Now anyone who has ever seen me drink knows that I get drunk on one girly cocktail, so two valium is a bit extreme. Needless to say, I am quickly so relaxed that I can barely stand.
Next they take me in the back, check my eyes and put in anesthetic drops. One doctor asks how I am. I said "Stoned."
They take me to the operating room and put me on a table. They put one of those blue hats on my head. I ask what it was for. The nurse said it was to keep my hair out of the way. "Do I sense some irony here?" I asked.
They tape back your eyelids so they stay open and put some sort of suction ring on your eye. (You don't care cause you are stoned) You look up and there is a blinking red light. They have you stare at the light. You feel some pressure and the red ligh gets blurry and weird. This is them slicing off your cornea. Your cornea is now hanging on by a flap, they peel it back and get to work. You see a purple light and smell something like burning hair. They do this a couple of times and push the cornea back. Elapsed time, less than a minute. Then they do the other eye.
While this is happening, there is one nurse who's only job seems to be rubbing my arm and saying soothing things. Very nice.
Total time in the operating room is less than 5 minutes.
They give you a bunch of eye drops, some sun glasses, and a prescription for restoril and send you home. (With your driver, of course)
That day, it hurts to open your eyes. Which is OK, because they want you to kep them shut. I went home and napped till 4:00. At 4:00 I took the restoril and slept till 7:00 the next morning.
In the morning, my eyes felt uncomfortable. Almost like sand in the eyes. And it was a little blurry. I have to take 3 different eyes drops 3 or 4 times a day. Once we started that, things began feeling better. By noon, almost all discomfort was gone. Things were a little blurry, but my vision was getting better. That night, the surgeon called me at home! So cool. We chatted and everything seems to be on course.
Sunday morning: My eyes feel fine. No discomfort at all. Things are still a little blurry, but getting clearer and clearer. I am told it will take about a week before my vision is crystal clear again. I can read signs, watch TV, read books.... all without galsses. This is so thrilling it is beyond words.